Do you smell that?

Unless your nose is missing, you have likely detected the putrid odor traveling throughout the school, particularly on the second floor near the library. It’s been causing many to hold their breath, gag, and even throw up on one occasion.

“Oh, my God. The smell is disgusting. It is so funky, so gross. It’s… I don’t even know it’s just so gross,” said English teacher Cynthia Mochowski, whose room smells worse than the inside of a gym locker.

Theories have been going around as to what could be causing this sudden stench. Some are more absurd than others.

“I think there is a corpse in the ceiling. I’ll hold true to that,” said senior Dylan Viau. “And when they find it, I’ll be there to say ‘I told you so!’”

Others are more rational, but the true cause still remains a mystery.

“I think it’s the flowers outside. There are some that give off the scent of rotting flesh throughout the United States that could be what’s making this school smell this way. Like carrion flowers, they use their gross scent to attract pollinators,” said sophomore Alexander Oaks.

Administration is currently investigating what is causing the malodorous bouquet, but nothing has been released as an explanation for what it may be.

Some students think it’s related to the foul smell in the bathroom last week, but whether or not there is a correlation between the two is unknown.

“Last week there was a really gross smell in the girl’s bathroom on the first floor,” said junior Caroline Enos. “I don’t know if it has to do with the smell today, but I still could taste it when I was eating my lunch three hours later, so what’s the difference?”

Senior Katelyn Moore has a theory that rises above the others as to what the fetid scent could be.

“It smells like the last four years of my education died there,” said Moore.

Teachers whose classes are near the worst smell zones find it hard to teach under these circumstances.

“I think it’s the pollen from the poplar trees,” said English teacher Cindy Perry, whose room is affected by the offensive odor. “There are air vents near them that I think it’s going into, and then coming into the building,”

Smells usually range between good and bad. This one is really bad. If there were a scent scale that ranged from 1-10, with one being repugnant and ten being noxious, this one would be an eleven.

No one knows what is causing the pungent perfume, but hopefully someone will figure it out, and fix the problem soon.