Principal Cook opens up, shocks community with announcement

A dark secret of Principal James Cook’s has come to light: after almost 25 years at GHS, Cook comes out and embraces his roots by revealing his full-fledged Scottish accent. 

“Ever since I wis a wee laddie, a’ve hud tae hide mah true voice from th’ world,” he said. 

Cook, of Scottish descent, said his accent has always been a part of him. After much pondering, he has finally decided he needs to be true to himself, and will no longer conceal the accent he’s been hiding for so long. Although his voice will now be unintelligible to the majority of GHS, Cook regards it as an important step in taking pride in his heritage.

“I love mah accent,” Cook said. “I know it wull tak’ some gittin’ used tae fur many o’ mah peers ‘n’ students. Bit I howp thay wull accept me fur bein’ mah true self.” 

Cook has also taken up the bagpipes, a traditional Scottish instrument. In a last minute change, the score of GHS’s production of “Footloose” will be altered to include a bagpipes solo.

“When Cook came to me asking if there could be a place for bagpipes in ‘Footloose,’ I was a little skeptical,” Director Jessica Kirk said. “But after hearing his moving rendition of Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way,’ all my doubts vanished and I welcomed him into our production. There will not be a dry eye in the house.”

The food service department will also add haggis to the school lunch menu in honor of Cook’s announcement.

When April break begins in a couple weeks, Cook will be returning to his homeland in search of the Loch Ness Monster. It is unclear how long he will be away.